Sunday, February 12, 2006

I got your cartoon right here

A newspaper in Iran is asking for cartoons that make fun of the Holocaust the same way the Danish cartoons made fun of Mohammed. I don’t see the connection but I think we are missing a golden opportunity to help out. Iran is controlled by a theocratic regime that brooks no meaningful opposition. In such an oppressive culture, satirists are creatively disadvantaged. They need the help of decadent Americans to come up with really satirical caricatures. We’ve sent our troops, our money, our reputation, let’s send our cartoons.

I wish, one, I had the technical ability to put a drawing on this blog, and two, I could draw a cartoon in the first place. I would help. But Hey! It’s the idea that counts.

10 Ideas for cartoons showing the Holocaust in a bad light:

1. Those stupidly docile Jews watch as their children are taken to gas chambers while Muslims send their children to blow up themselves.

2. When the Americans and English liberate concentration camps, the prisoners kidnap them and cut their heads off or kill them with roadside bombs.

3. A cartoon showing how a people, say the Germans, a decent God-fearing people, are swayed by the rhetoric of extremist. They allow hate to be taught in their schools and institutionalized within the government and culture. They allow the extremist government to implement policies based on this hate. These people’s grand traditions are tainted forever because of it.

4. If there was no Holocaust, there was no Palestine.

5. A Jew draws a cartoon of Jesus dropping the poison canisters on 10 million people, six million Jews, and irate Germans rise up and destroy mosques.

6. A cartoon of the Great Satin. Not the hated of one person for another or the taking of another's property or pulling of a trigger on someone – that has been with us for all time and will be with us forever – the Great Satin is in the policy of our collective souls.

7. Jewish women standing up to any man while Muslim women are lumped in with donkeys, camels, and other beast of burden.

8. Jews rise up in violent demonstrations when some German says the name of their god but do nothing as millions die for selfish and hollow causes.

9. Jews take Nazis hostage demanding that their people be sent to a part of the world where they are hated even more than in Europe.

10. The atomic bomb was developed during World War II. Iran could show a cartoon in which they finally develop the ability to construct atomic bombs and they build enough that everyone in Iran could strap on a bomb and blow themselves up all at one time. A nuclear winter would ensue and all higher life forms on this planet would die. How many virgins do you get for that?

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